Cloud of darkness above me

This post is not exactly for you readers' entertainment but a place for me to vent out my pent up frustration and sadness. Sigh~ Life is filled with ups and downs just like a swing. You go up, and next thing you know...you're down on the ground again.

My studies haven't been great recently. As in grades wise. Recently, we had a test which everyone found quite easy. The average was 77% (which was good) and there was even one who scored 100%. However, I managed to score **% ( not gonna say out loud for sure!) which was quite unsatisfactory for me eventhough I passed. It was really like having a slap on my face when I heard it. I mean, it was the test I felt that I studied the most for and understood the most. If I scored low for that, what about the rest? I can't imagine. I'm like below the average score so that makes me what, the bottom half of the class?? I've just been woken up after being ignorant for a long time.

This is not the past. Life might be smooth sailing then, but now.. there are more hurdles to cross. More competition. And the fittest shall surive. (as Charles Darwin had stated). You either attack or get pounced on, your choice.

I mean, yes I admit the effort I put in is quite minimal compared to others in class. Facebook has been taking over my time, mostly the games there. You name it, most probably I've played it especially all the pet-related ones. I can just stare at the screen the whole day and night like a zombie, helps me in making my eyesight worse as well.

ALL thanks to Facebook. Not that I wish to condemn it or anti-facebook. It's great and all that it connects people together. I guess it's just myself having no control or time management. I just can't help it, I realized that I'm addicted to facebook subconsciously... It's like once the laptop is on, I automatically open Mozilla and click "www.facebook.com".
It's like others hang out with their cliques. They play hard yet study hard as well. Somehow, perhaps its cause all I did was stay home and becoming a zombie onlining till late night so my motivation or 'guilt factor' that triggers me to study is not present. I'm becoming to look like an anti-social freak! !@#$ This is bad -.-

Gone were times of study groups and hang outs. Gone were the days when there were sudden outings. I'm starting to reminisce of the good times I had.Based on the progress that I'm making currently, I'll be out of IMU soon enough before you can say 'bye'. I'm starting to think back of how badly I did for all the reports, presentation, tests etc and it makes me feel depressed to the max just like that kitty below. :( Feel so guilty towards my parents, I could have achieved better. They might not know about it, even if they do, they'll be there to comfort me, cheer me up and encourage me. BUT... that'll just make the guilt factor increase 100x. Feel bad yet no mood to study. Super emotional till its distracting me from being able to concentrate, not that I even attempt yet. Hai~

In short, I feel that I have no life, no talent, no NOTHING. A good for nothing, a pile of crap, whatever you wanna call.

STRESS

FRUSTRATION

SADNESS

GUILT

FEAR

They're like cannon balls being fired towards me.

I shall pen off before people starts complaining that this blog is starting to see too EMO!